They have been up since dawn, opening an onslaught of presents, eating an avalanche of sugar, and trying to burn off all of that sugar inside the confines of your home. They have talked your ear off, and have each had an over stimulation meltdown in the last few hours before bed. They were weirded out by Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, because, you know… what the heck kind of animation is that supposed to be to a Pixar generation baby, anyway? They made a gingerbread house that looks like it was decorated by mongoloids or a family from a Jeff Foxworthy joke, but they had a fantastic time doing it. They had you at your wit’s end by the time they passed out, asking yourself a million times over why you didn’t save a bottle of wine for the end of the day.

Then, they sneak up on you when they’re sleeping. Those little faces. Little, tiny, angelic fingers that lose their grip around your hand as they finally drift off. The same face, covered in the same innocence you carried in your arms just a few years ago. How does it happen like this? How are they two short years away from being preteens? Disney Princess phase? Done. Hello, Taylor Swift craze. Yes, we’re buying teeny-bopper magazines already. (Relax, it’s balanced with Ranger Rick and Highlights and we spend our online time on natgeo for kids. A little pop culutre won’t kill them.)

Do they have any idea how much I love them? Do I have any idea how much I love them? How do I tell them? How do I show them? I didn’t feel loved when I was a kid. I heard on a show once that kids think it is never enough. But I talk to grown children who don’t share the same sentiment about their childhoods that I do. One of my best friends is 31, and he’s still such a Mama’s boy that it would make your head spin. I would much rather have children that were too attached than not attached at all.

I know I kind of abandoned this blog. For the sake of full disclosure, like I swore I would do here, I’ve been too ashamed of my parenting skills to write here. It was a really rough year. Really. I don’t have the physical or emotional fortitude to divulge it all tonight. However, I will soon. I need to purge some raunchiness from my spirit… and Tumblr, you are the lucky host of the parasitic ideas and emotions that have been feasting on my heart.

I can hear my son breathing from here. My heart might explode.

Listening: Beyonce

With: The kids and our best bud, 8 year old Hannah

Doing: Tumblr & making a Play-Dough undersea wonderland

Loving: EVERYTHING about this

Figuratively, and physically.

The past two days hath wrought highly unusual weather for this area. Long, slow, drenching rains. The past two months hath brought nothing but bad, or worse, news. I find myself asking the big, depressing questions. “What’s the point? Should I just give up? Where’s the bar?”

I am buried in work and activity that keeps me from the kids far more than I want to be. They get on the bus at ten til seven every morning. There are a few nights a week that I don’t see them until somewhere between 8-10 pm. Every time I stop for more than 10 seconds, I panic… wondering how much they might hate me for not spending more time with them.

K has never quite been the same since Grandpa passed away. He took a piece of her with him. V isn’t that far off the mark, either. He’s just a boy and exhibits it differently. Last night his Grandma said she needed to sell the tractor Grandpa bought before passing, and V went into a rage. I made the choice to attend grief counseling, but we have yet to go to an appointment.

The only thing I know to do is try to make the time I spend with them as quality as possible. I know that things need to change, but as for right now, I have very few options, if any at all. The scary thing is, even if I wanted to apply for another job, or something of that nature, I honestly have no time to go apply for jobs. Do people do interviews at 11 PM? That is where my free time window begins.

So, this is my life. This is our life. If you want to call it that, that’s it. I may have left out a few details about being behind on rent, or my inability to allow myself to be in a healthy relationship, or the kids squirting an entire bottle of dishsoap around the house last Saturday morning. But you got all that between the lines, right?

To those of you who live in my general area, meaning half of the US, happy first day of school.

I can’t believe I haven’t posted here in so long, but that is merely a testament to how busy our summer was. Very soon, I will be the mother of a seven year old, and a nine year old. Yes, I just sent my baby girl off to third grade. I think that makes me officially old.

Welcome to a nice, peaceful two hours before work.

I believe the quality of the time you spend with your children is of far greater importance than the amount of time.

In this day & age of round the clock children’s television programing, video games, computers, being a stay at home mom does not automatically qualify you as a good parent. It’s too easy to pass of your guardianship on electronic vices.

Regardless of your employment, I think you should just constantly check to make sure the lines of communication are free-flowing. Play with them. Do what they want to do when you can. Make sure they are showing appropriate levels of independance and ability to take care of themselves for their age.

Are your kids happy? Do they laugh and smile a lot? Do they have healthy relationships with their peers and siblings?

The attainability of these goals is certainly not exclusive to stay at home moms.

Summer time, and the livin’ is… easy?

That depends, I suppose. We were supposed to be participating in a summer day camp program this year. The administrator lost some of my paperwork, lied to me, and her assistant snapped at me. Therefore, my children were withdrawn. You can’t keep my paperwork together, and I should trust you with my kids? No, thanks. We’ll figure something out. We’ve been doing okay so far.

My daughter leaves on a plane trip to Minnesota to visit my brother tomorrow. She’s traveling with my mother, and this is her first plane trip. TELL ME EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY, PLEASE! She’s so excited it is just adorable. On top of the excitement, her father got her a $50 American Express Cash Card today. She thinks she’s Princess Caroline, I think.

In the meantime, her brother and I will commence our daily routine as we usually do. We do have a kayaking trip planned Friday. I’ll probably get to answer a lot more of those classic little boy questions, like:

“Mom, when I get big, can you take me to a volcano?”